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Dr. Fauci Reports That Alcohol May Help People Survive Coronavirus Briefings | The Borowitz Report

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Fauci changes Trump's Twitter Password.  “I was just waiting for the right opportunity.”   During the daily meeting of the   coronavirus   task force, the esteemed virologist noticed that, while Trump launched into an extended rant about former   Vice-President Joe Biden , he left his phone unattended on the conference-room table. Springing into action, Fauci surreptitiously took custody of Trump’s phone and changed his Twitter password in a matter of seconds. “I’d never hacked into a Twitter account before,” he said. “My heart was beating like a rabbit’s.” Fauci said that there was “little to no chance” of Trump being able to guess his new password. “I used a polysyllabic word,” Fauci said. C.D.C. Director Says Coronavirus Effort Could Be Helped by Quarantining Pence The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said on Friday that significant progress in battling the coronavirus could be achieved by today's  blog is a parody of curre...
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Mapping the Coronavirus Outbreak Across the World

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                            The coronavirus outbreak is now a pandemic, the World Health Organization declared on March 11, as global confirmed cases of Covid-19 now surpass 200,000 worldwide. The outbreak has spread from the Chinese city of Wuhan in late January to countries and territories—affecting every continent except Antarctica—in the course of a month. Cases in Europe now exceed the number in China. Efforts to prevent the pneumonia-like illness from spreading further have led to shuttered cities, widespread flight cancellations and shaken financial markets. Updated March 20,2020 256,689  Confirmed cases worldwide 10,368 Deaths Where          Deaths           Cases Italy 3,405 41,035 Mainland China 3,248 80,967 Iran 1,284 18,407 Spain 1,002 19,980 France 450 12,612 U.S. 206 15,973 U.K. 177 3,983 Netherlands 106 2,994 South Korea 91 8,565 ...
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Social Distancing: This is Not a Snow Day - Ariadne Labs - Medium

 I know there is some confusion about what to do next in the midst of this unprecedented time of a pandemic, school closures, and widespread social disruption.   Things are changing quickly as public health officials, state governments and local cities struggle to keep up with changing guidelines.  Driving this chaotic evolution is the fear of not having adequate beds, and ventilators to treat those who have life-threatening pneumonia. Covid-19 is not influenza, as we have come to realize now that autopsies reveal the extent of pulmonary damage.  Today is March 21, 2020, just 8 days after this article, "Social Distancing: This is Not a Snow Day " was published on Medium. Since then it has become a global pandemic spreading across Europe, Italy and the Americas with the two largest cities in the U.S. heavily impacted (New York City) and Los Angeles. At this point there is open-ended guidance to shelter at home, most businesses are closed, theaters dark, and only ...
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